I wouldn't marry him until he paid off his debt, now I'm in charge of our money

When Sarah Reeve got engaged she gave fiance Lee an ultimatum: he had to pay off his debt before she would marry him.

"I was paying my mortgage and bills whereas he was giving his mum some rent," Sarah says of their situations when they met in their early 20s.

"I told him I wouldn't marry him if he had any debts," says the 45-year-old.

So they set a wedding date for two years ahead which gave Lee the time to pay off the £2,000 bank loan - £4,000 in today's money, external - he had taken out to buy a car.

Once Lee's debt was cleared, the couple paid everything into a joint account and Sarah took charge of bills, saving and budgeting.

"He said 'you can sort it all out and take charge with money because I'm rubbish with it,'" she says.

Sarah's experience reflects a wider trend of more than four fifths of women being actively involved in managing daily finances like day-to-day spending and household budgeting, according to St James's Place's Women and Wealth Report.

Sarah earns £24,000 working part-time in insurance and Lee worked in maintenance at the same factory for 27 years, earning about £26,000, before being made redundant four years ago.

He now works for himself in property maintenance and earns about £30,000.

The couple, who have been together for 25 years and have two daughters, aged 19 and 21, have always thought of money as shared.

"It's very much our money rather than mine or yours which is really nice especially as I took four years off work when we had children," says Sarah.

After getting out of debt, Sarah says she and Lee have never overstretched themselves and have made regular overpayments on their mortgage.

"We've also always been savers - well, I've been the saver for us," she adds.

Every month Sarah writes down how much money is in their accounts.

"That really helps as if we've had a bad month, at least you know and can find the reason."

Family Action, a charity that offers financial support to families, says that when money is tight the first step "is getting a clear picture of what's going on as this helps you understand your current position so you can make the best decisions possible together going forward".

But being the financially responsible one has not always been easy and Sarah wishes Lee would take more ownership as "I feel like it's all down to me", she says.

She says Lee is not money-orientated and is happy for her to make the decisions.

"He says, 'I met you and I had nothing, so I don't care if I have nothing,'" she says.

But Sarah says she felt the pressure of planning for their future.

They had "a little pot of money" but "I never knew what to do with it, I didn't have the confidence and I wouldn't even know where to start," she says.

St James's Place's research of 6,000 people found only 44% of women feel confident making changes to investments on their own, compared with 63% of men.

After her widowed mother saw a financial adviser, Sarah decided to seek advice.

"I thought deep down that I didn't have enough money to see a financial adviser. In my mind, I thought you needed half a million to do that."

The adviser talked through their spending, attitude to risk and future costs, including holidays, a new car and home improvements.

Sarah says this made her feel more secure and helped shift their thinking from day-to-day saving to longer-term planning.

Sarah says their daughters have absorbed her attitude towards money.

Her eldest saved while working part-time at Waitrose and has bought her first home. Sarah has spoken to her about overpaying on the mortgage and protecting herself financially now that her boyfriend has moved in.

"We've rubbed off on them," Sarah says. "My daughters will probably end up being more in control of their money."

Looking back, Sarah says the biggest lesson is not to ignore debt or assume money habits will simply sort themselves out.

"You have to think about a goal, what you want and how you're going to get there".

Tell us your experience of combining finances and managing money as a couple.