Ways to support someone with a chronic condition

Supporting someone with a chronic condition starts with listening and empathy. Each person has a different experience, so listening to their unique perspective is important.

Some people have chronic conditions that may prevent them from doing certain activities. In others, chronic conditions have a less visible impact, but they may still change how a person sees themselves or their future.

In this article, we explore how people can support those with chronic conditions, including what to say, what to avoid, and types of support that can help.

A chronic condition is any condition that lasts at least 1 year and requires ongoing treatment, affects daily life, or both. This can include common conditions, such as eczema or migraine, as well as serious or rare conditions.

Having a chronic condition can look very different from person to person. Not only is there a huge range of chronic conditions, but each one can affect people differently.

Even if a condition is not severe or life threatening, it can substantially affect a person’s life. For some, a diagnosis can cause shock, fear, anger, or grief due to a loss of health or independence.

Because of this, it is best to avoid making assumptions about how a chronic condition affects someone, physically or emotionally.

Instead, people can learn about the condition and listen to the person to understand their perspective. It is essential to:

“It is very different being in a relationship with someone with a chronic condition than with someone who doesn’t have one. I learned about Katy’s condition and the way it affects her personally, and how even that has evolved over time.

Every day can be different, so I never assume anything, but just by being with her, caring for her, and noticing her experiences (as you would do with anyone with love), I’ve been able to understand little ways to help.”

Emotional support can be invaluable for people with chronic conditions. According to the Mental Health Foundation in the United Kingdom, people with chronic conditions are more likely to experience:

Emotional support and companionship can help with this, and may even help improve a person’s health by reducing stress and loneliness.

The goal is not to make all negative feelings disappear, but to help people feel seen and connected to others. Do:

Ask how the person is doing. This can be a good way to initiate a conversation, allowing the other person to talk about their condition if they want to.

However, this question also gives them the option of discussing other topics. Follow their lead — if they seem reluctant or want to talk about different things, let them.

Hearing about a loved one’s experiences may be difficult, so people may need to manage their own emotions during the conversation.

Trying to solve someone’s problems can be tempting, especially when a person is worried for them.

However, it is important to remember that chronic conditions can be complex, and what works for one person does not always work for another.

If someone is unsure, they can ask, “Would you like advice, or do you just want to talk?”

“It can feel damaging when people think they know more about the condition than I do, even if it shows a willingness on their part to research it or share their own knowledge in an attempt to help. Conditions affect everyone differently, so sometimes just listening is the best thing you can do.”

Chronic conditions can be demanding in terms of time, energy, and money. People may have to make major changes to their diet or lifestyle, give up things they love, or work harder to do things others take for granted.

“Emotional help has been the biggest help for me. Sometimes due to the nature of my condition, I struggle with feeling powerless, weak, or even unproductive. Lorenzo reminds me that I’m doing OK and have other strengths and a different guardrail than most people. This helps me in the long term to feel more able to take a step back when I need to, physically or emotionally.”

Caring for someone with a chronic condition can be challenging for loved ones, too. They may feel helpless and wish they could do more for them. It may feel distressing to see someone who is experiencing pain or other symptoms.

Be mindful of this and take time to manage these feelings, seeking support if necessary. Remember that even if simply being there for someone does not feel like enough, it can still make a significant difference.

Practical help can improve a person’s quality of life. However, not everyone with a chronic condition needs or wants it, so it is important to follow their lead. Do:

Sometimes the easiest way to learn what a person wants in terms of support is simply to ask. For example, a person can ask, “What would help right now?” or “Is there anything I can do?”

If a person has a caregiver who makes decisions for them, a person can ask them.

“I can spot when she’s feeling dizzy and act accordingly, and over time, I’ve learned little cues that suggest a flare-up is coming. This means I can prepare her for this as well as myself, and I can rearrange our calendar, chores, and even diet to help the flare-up settle down as quickly as possible.”

Offering to do specific tasks provides people with a simple “yes or no” question to answer, which may be helpful if they are unsure what to ask for or feel uncomfortable doing so.

“Sometimes, there isn’t a lot of ‘practical’ help he can do. He can’t stop the challenges or make it so I’ll never suffer again, sadly!

But he can do small things, like make sure I always have an escape in every situation to retreat — not only one that exists, but one I feel comfortable taking. An example of this would be standing up for me in social situations if I need to leave early, or finding me a chair if I need to sit down.”

Some people feel guilty or embarrassed about accepting help. If they say “no,” respect their wishes.

Instead, people can ask if there is something else they would like or let them know the offer still stands in case they change their mind.

“If I am having a flare-up or a bad day with my symptoms, some people will attribute that to certain lifestyle choices (maybe you didn’t sleep well last night, maybe it was something you ate, etc.).

Despite lifestyle changes being a huge factor in the management of many chronic conditions, thinking this plainly is inaccurate and can mean the person with the condition feels guilt or even that they’ve brought the bad health upon themselves.”

Supporting people with a chronic condition can look different from case to case, but the starting point is listening and empathy.

Learn about the person’s condition and how it affects them as an individual. This may give someone ideas for how to support them, whether emotionally or practically.

It is also important for loved ones and caregivers to look after themselves. If they are struggling, they can speak with a mental health professional or support organization for advice.